Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
