well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
