First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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