shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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