puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
