I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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