i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize