She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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