dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
