I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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