Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
