would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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