I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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