Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
