Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
