:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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