we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
