So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
