At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
