The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
