If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
