oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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