The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it penis luge time yet?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
