Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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