I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
