soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
