Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
