dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
