i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize