If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
