If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
