How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No subtext here. People are naked.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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