I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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