She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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