haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
