Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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