Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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