Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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