What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
