It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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