You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
