what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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