She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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