I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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