i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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