I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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