We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
