um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
