I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
