Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
