I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
