First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
this hospital has no fireball
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
