I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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