Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
