Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
