Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
