When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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