it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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