I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
only you would photoshop your dick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
