like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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