I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
