My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I pour the whiskey from now on
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
