I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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