Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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