six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
