I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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