I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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