I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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