omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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