and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it hurts more in the daytime
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
