Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
