did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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