How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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