sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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