So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
