im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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