Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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