He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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