i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
