we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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