i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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